Letter to Melissa on “Desire”

pino2006b-suite-desire

source: http://www.atkinsonfineart.com

 

Hi Melissa,

I liked your input with the desire.
It really fits with my current situation.

I have not got a dictionary to find the origin, such as Bec has got, which I will probably have a look next time when I go into a bookshop. This could be a bridge for my inner translation still going on in my mind. To be honest I was quite a nerd, when I studied Latin and always could cite the origin of the words… longtime ago.

I did my own searching and could find various citations e.g. from Marcel Proust “We do not succeed in changing things according to our desire, but gradually our desire changes.”
On the other hand, looking from the etymological point of view I could find desire coming from de sideris, await what the stars will bring.

This brings me to my present circumstances and I can say, that I am fully present in the moment.
I was contemplating a little bit on desire and what first came into my mind was resentment and looking at the “lacks” I have got at the moment and then I could realize, that it has got a lot to do with my inner perceptions and the focus on “how I want my desires to be fulfilled”. The next step brought me to my control system, which makes it quite hard for “anybody”, “anything” to just be, because I would always like to know the outcome, before I put more energy into something. Somehow this is very protective and gives me the safety belt and on the other hand it (my mind, my inner critic) kills the sprouts of desire in a single moment.
I know and I can feel that I have a very strong desire (lust) and at the same time I “keep” myself so busy only to express my desire in writing, which is fun as well but it’s not enough to make my desire be my drive, as you mentioned.

Desire also fits into autumn, as letting go and on the other hand planting the seeds for the next spring. I have got a strong desire to express myself more deeply and I have got a strong desire to be more instrumental, there is a long list of desires and it’s definitely desire, much, much more than wishes and wants… I think fear is still keeping me inside my comfort zone like a magnet. Sometimes I can follow my desire in very little steps and get so much reward for my courage, just to get another parcel with fear again, presented in a different shape…

Thank you for the input with “desire”, I think I needed this for connecting with myself.

Hugs and love,
Barbara

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About shamanicspiderwoman

I am a courageous woman who left everything behind to move from Austria to Australia together with her family. I have started a training as shamanic midwife last year and enjoy this healing process and the connection with my tribe. I love to connect with the peace and silence of nature. I love the abundance I have got with my family. I am a writer on my path to publish my first short fiction book "Kassandra" in German. I am very passionate about connecting with other women on passion, sexuality and as shamanicspiderwoman I love to weave my web of creativity with love and humility.
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