Hello my dears,
I could read the writings on the three faces of Lilith yesterday.
All good, somehow I thought, until I came to the questions.
Could it be that Inanna was made naked by asking her questions?
I have the feeling that this happens to me.
I had such an emotional turmoil the last few days. It was my birthday (45) and being married for 14 years on one day. Actually reading about Inanna I felt like being in the underworld. Asking me questions all the time and looking for answers all the time or for signs for my future. It took my a couple of days to be at ease with me again and to find peace in the way how it is and how I am doing.
Only until I came to read the questions. Some of them didn’t cause so much pain so I could easily answer them.
The part about sexuality brought me into insanity again and it was not the dark side of myself turning up. It’s more the dark side of my childhood coming up again and again and the way I managed to survive.
I could realize in answering the questions that like with Faust from Goethe “two souls alas are dwelling in my breast”.
The one soul is the wild one, the courageous one, the one allows herself to express herself and her sexuality and passion to arise instinctively, the one that is connected with the priestess….. and so on
The other soul is the one I am currently living, the oppressed form of living, the one avoiding to feel, sense and express herself and her sexuality and passion, the one resenting a lot or looking for answers in the outside… and so on
I feel better after I sat in the sunshine during my lunch break and could relax in looking at a wonderful Greek on the campus where I am working. Before I had a lot of fear coming up about to stay stuck in my oppressed form of living and also about the fear around sexuality.
When I sat there I could realize that there was a bridge formed by stones to cross the creek and was wondering if I could have this bridge as well.
I know my soul is urging to come out and I know that it’s only a question of time that this is going to happen sooner than later.
I do not want to get caught in my fear all the times and I definitely do not want to go back to my feelings of darkness during my childhood and as an adolescent (to my mind I got stuck in growing from adolescent to adult) again.
At the moment I am looking for the first rock to put a step on to start crossing the creek. I could imagine it inside myself and this will make it happen….