Letter on Samhain
It’s a wonderful way to connect with your ancestors, to have a look back and see what worked for you and what did not work well. This is the time to plant the seeds for the coming springtime.
I’ve spent a lot of time reflecting about what worked good for me and what I want to plant for my next springtime. I came to the point that I overburdened myself with wanting to much and all to be fulfilled in a very short time. At the moment I have got difficulties in focusing on one area. My life seems to be a constant turmoil and no matter what I do I can find myself unbalanced again and again.
How can change happen if there is so much going on at the same time?
What if I need to get back to the primary needs to be fulfilled and then find my balance to be open and ripe for the changes which will come no matter what I do?
When I first reflected on what was working well as being perfectionist I immediately looked at what was not running smoothly and I could see the panic coming up again. The panic that my life is unmanageable the way I would like to manage it. My perfect controlled world! This led me to very small steps and I could then see that there is already something prospering from the seeds I’ve planted last year.
Last year for example I started to write my first short fantasy book and I have finished it with all my up and downs and self-criticism, I stayed with my commitment and now I have reached phase two and work on how to get my book published. That’s definitely something I can be proud of and that’s something to be counted under working well.
I have started to clear out our home, which is ongoing but again I can see light at the end of the tunnel and even when it still takes time to get rid of the big stuff I can feel already that this little space is liberating and I’ve got less weight on my shoulders and my mind gets more focused too.
“Just step by step” is something what I need to remind myself every day.
My relationships have changed as I started to be gentle to myself and put myself first. I’ve had so many teaching lessons during the last year.
Since starting my training as shamanic midwife my mind has been drawn far away from mainstream and this journey is quite exciting and scary as well. My dreams are so vivid and so full of insights that I can’t remember all the details when I wake up in the morning. There is a lot of healing happening and sometimes I get clear messages what I shall do. That’s fascinating, not that much for my husband. For me this is a very important tool I am starting to rely on much more than I did in my past.
Then there is the part about my passion. Even though my life is in highly turbulent at the moment and sometimes I do not know what to do first or what comes next I have got this strong attraction that I should keep going and that it all is for a special reason.
It is that I can see the light already and the feeling of balance after this inner and outer storm. It’s probably more an inner storm that I am going through at the moment.
When I think of Samhain I think a lot about fertility and intensive expression of sexuality as well. I’ve got this strong wish to transform these fertility rituals from ancient times into presence. Up to now I have not had a clue how to do so.
It’s more Persephone’s fantasy acting in the background of my mind and I would love to express this more.