I could realize that I have touched this topic already some time ago and I have got “having courage” present, more than ever.
First of all it took me courage to leave almost everything behind and to move to another country. I thought that’s it and that I will be prepared for everything coming up in my future life. But life does not work like this. I am growing with all the decisions I am making every single minute and it’s never like to be “finished”. I am facing a lot of changes at the moment, as if I am not only shifting into another shape. It is also as if I am changing the way I am looking at myself and also at others, people I am surrounded with.
It took me so much courage to leave my tribe and sometimes I am giving me a hard time that I have made this decision. I am on my own again, much more confronted with myself and the way I am than I was before. It takes me courage to keep trusting that this is the way I am supposed to go and to keep connected with me and to trust that everything is alright how it is.
It takes me a lot of courage to accept and to be grateful that I have got so many shapes in my personality and this is okay. I stopped minimizing myself by concentrating on one single shape. I feel much more multi-coloured and multi-shaped and it feels good that I can also have different roles. I can be mother, lover, wife, friend, writer, shamananic spiderwoman, messenger and even business woman, and it will still always be me. I had difficulties with being perfect and wanting to be everything at the same time.
I felt frustrated because I could see myself so out of balance until the point that I could find out that most of the time I was wondering how I could manage this or that or how I was going to be able to write even in two complete different genres. I gave myself a very hard time and I am more than grateful that there are people outside in the world who helped me looking at my situation in a more simplified way.
This encouraged me to have more structure in my life and to implement what I really wanted to implement in my life, without being too much out of balance and even without controlling everything.
My focus is much more on what I want to achieve rather than being frustrated about how it is at present.
I am getting “there”… and at the same time, I am always “there” already.