Letter from a-void to the void
I think I have mentioned already that I had applied for a training course at my work. To be honest, I had the most intensive and inspiring training, during the last two weeks. The topic was leadership, and I thought prior to this that I would like to investigate more on being a leader. When I entered this training, I was full of self-doubt and questioned my capability to be a “leader”.
I could take so many inputs from this training. I could hear a lot about different approaches to be a leader, and that it is all about asking the right questions, that leadership is an art and much more which I kept in memory.
The most important information I got for myself was not to take myself too seriously. This was a big shift in my mindset. I could find out that when I was honest to myself I was able to connect with myself and others as well. I could let go of my self-doubt and believes that I am different and other people would not accept me the way I was. I got the support I needed to go with my passion and to show me fully “uncovered” and “unprotected”.
During the training I could find out that I had spent a lot of time of my life in avoidance. I had spent the last months looking for the “right” “diet” to solve my problems with allergies and food intolerances. I have spent a lot of money jumping from one naturopath to another only to find out that this was not the way I wanted to go any longer. My last experience was that I had to avoid almost every food to fight against candida.
Then I could see everything from a higher perspective and could find out the following. My leaky gut had caused a big leak in my finances as well. The most important thing was that I could see that with avoiding all the food I had not only lost interest in eating food I also had forgotten how wonderful and nurturing food can be. After this realization I could find out that I was no longer going to follow other people’s advice. I have done so much research on food and nutrition and I have had a long time to study my body. I feel convinced that I can walk this path on my own now. This was followed by calling the naturopath telling that I do not believe in this rigid diet and that I was not going to proceed. I have to confess that this was a very big step for me and it still is because I am taking back my power. It was my first step in moving from avoidance and self-punishing to an open space and to freedom and independence. One of my core values is independence.
The second flash of inspiration came to me when we had to look at our values. It did not really come as a surprise which values I had chosen to be the most important in my life, what made me thinking was the fact that I had forgotten about my values and that they were in conflict with my work situation. I mean this is not that surprising either but I forgot that I had forgotten. In other ways I had allowed other “things” to be first listed and therefore my values had been covered, although they had tried to approach me all the time. I always thought that I need to fix something and THEN I will be ready to do what I really wanted to do. This had become a very big excuse in my life to say “I would love to do what I really want”. To be honest I have spent more time in doing the opposite. Therefore it was really mind-setting to spend more time on looking at my values and to align them with my future.
So I cannot emphasize enough how much influence this training and this time with other people have already had on my life.
I am very proud that I stepped out of my comfort zone again although it was painful to come to the realizations and at the end the reward was mind changing and brought me to making decisions for my better being.
I took this picture on purpose because it had been a while since I bit of an apple.