I had mentioned in my last post that I am focusing on my values at the moment. Well this is an ongoing process.
What first came to my mind was that my values shifted when I came to Australia 3 years ago. Such as my values narrowed down to what was really important for me. It will always be my family and got even more important when it was only us out there in this new surrounding with nobody to connect at the beginning and feeling so different. It got better but I still have to say that my core values are not really met. I have to explain this a little bit.
One of my values is independence which is somehow interesting because I had the feeling that I needed to go that far away from my original home to be more independent. I feel more independent and I have started doing things which I would have never ever foreseen earlier. I have met people who had influenced me and my mindset shifted totally. When I look back now there has been an immense growth especially during the last year.
The part where I do not feel independent is in my work. I have stated this various times and it is true my values are not met and at the same time I think that I still need this extra security until I am ready to be fully independent. So looking from this prospective it is a chance as well. It just needs trust and focus and calibration.
There is also creativity which is a big part in my life. Sometimes I feel like a wave is floating over my body and I have not got the words to express what I would like to say. I start a lot of things at the same time fly high, very high to the point of frustration because I block myself with doing too much at the same time. I could find out that to be creative it needs to have discipline as well. Discipline to focus on what is important and then avoiding distraction. I can get distracted a lot…I could also find out that I have different phases of creativity in writing as well depending on my moods. Sometimes I cannot write a single sentence because I feel stuck and blocked and sometimes I start writing and cannot stop. I could find out as well that sometimes I need to clear my mind to be totally open for my inner creativity. Such as I had written two pages last weekend about how I am feeling being in Australia and what I miss and what I dislike and what I hated (I had to give myself permission to do so). This sounds strange but I needed this out of my head because I always carried this with me and tried to pretend that everything was alright. With writing everything down I felt the relief to get it out of my mind. After this exercise I could write and I really could dive into my sensual creativity. It was great!
Another important value I have got in my life is spirituality. I should say it was always part of my life but I have ignored this for a very long time. I always thought that I was different because I felt a strong connection especially to the elements water and wind and when I was younger I have written poems to express those strong feelings. I stopped doing this for quite a long time because I have “learned” that it was not appropriate. It took me another 20 years to come back to connecting with spirits again. I could meet a lot of in-spir-ing people and since then I could open myself and a lot of interesting moments happened in my life. I do not know what happened or what shifted but I am more aware now and I get a lot of messages which I did not realize earlier.
I have got a lot more values one that is calling to be more present is the part of having fun and humor. I do not know if anyone ever experienced such a strong change as I moved from my home country to a total different surrounding. It felt strange, very strange and I felt like a stranger. It took me a while to find out that I was shocked although I wanted to have a change I did not expect it to be that heavy. I think I have spent the last 3 years like an actor in a movie… well for some time I lost my connection to myself, my identity… and lot’s of other things. I lost the part of myself who had fun and joy in being.
I have met wonderful people and sometimes I could laugh which got me by surprise because most of the time I lived under pressure. When I could let go of my limiting beliefs (especially with having English as a second language) I started to invite fun into my life again and humor was knocking on my door as well. It can be hard leaving everything behind and at the same time it can be very uplifting to peer with like-minded people especially those who speak your language and just spend some time laughing… that is joy.
My very last value has got to do with influencing people. Well I love to inspire others and I am working on spreading my words around. I’ll get there.
Love as always,