This is a great way to start the new year with writing a blog post on boundaries.
I have been thinking a lot about setting boundaries and being assertive. Lately reading a wonderful book from Doreen Virtue about “Assertiveness for Earth Angels”. This is a great book and explains the necessity of setting boundaries to be able to expand your wings and do what you are supposed to do.
It is so easy to get caught up with different things or putting other people’s needs first and speaking for myself quite hard to set boundaries without feeling guilty. I often have the urge to explain why and could find out that this is not often necessary and makes myself weakening again.
So, boundaries are more than important to grow and to focus on your purpose and your life. It’s not egoistic, it is a way of clearing the space to be more open for the things that are important. It is also a way to let go the need to be responsible for other people’s life’s.
I am not sure how other people set their boundaries but with me I often realize my boundaries when somebody is overstepping them and I get a certain feeling of discomfort or an even stronger feeling of anger which asks me to look more into sensing what’s going on.
I really want to pick up what Andrea has touched with abuse. It is quite hard to explain how easily someone’s boundaries can be overstepped emotionally and therefore so difficult to sense what is going on and even harder to name it and find the right words for it.
Over the years I could learn that nobody has the power or right to intrude into my feelings by dominating the person’s will on mine. It has got to do with having the courage to stand up for yourself, at the same time planting your self-worth and therefore taking action for yourself.
Standing up for yourself can be scary and uncomfortable, it can make you feeling guilty and at the same time this is what shows the real you, the person who you are with your needs and feelings only you can adjust and specify.
During the last year I could find myself being confronted with the same “issues” every now and then and my usual way of dealing with it would have been re-acting. I could really learn that re-acting disconnected me from myself and left me with the feeling that I am not being heard. After a while I could realize when I allow myself to feel I get less stressed and stay with my feeling so therefore I am able to express myself in an authentic way. The effect was twice rewarding. I could feel myself being heard the first time ever in my life and second positive effect was that I allowed myself to set boundaries and felt way more connected and stronger than before.
The other things with boundaries is that it is an ongoing process happening on a variety of different occasions such as at home, at work and even with the writing of my book I am currently experiencing that I need to set boundaries with the editor I am currently working. I need to set my boundaries to stay true to myself.
Or with writing this blog. I am more realizing that I want to create something completely different and that I was trying to do or write something and now I feel that a huge shift was going on so that I want to go with the flow and follow my intuition.
Love this topic, hope you as well.